When did you stop believing?
Do you remember when you stopped believing in Faeries? When the magic of the world suddenly ceased and “reality” set in? That maybe “this” was all there is and life as you knew it changed forever. Suddenly you had to grow up and be cool. It seems that day is coming earlier and earlier for our children. I recall being about 12 or 13 before I began to let the wonder go. To be honest I’m grateful I never let it go entirely.
Even science agrees saying that 10 is the new 15. Girls are reaching puberty sooner, which is attributed apparently to better nutrition (go figure) or obesity (Talk about opposite ends of a spectrum!). [sm1] Kids are being exposed to more sexually explicit images, more information, more technology, more everything. It seems no matter how hard I try I can’t keep her locked up forever.
I thought for a while living in the woods would keep my children safe from the chaos of the world. Until my daughter at age 5 came home wanting an iphone because one of the kids in the “spiritually evolved” school she went to had one. Not to mention her mom and dad played with them all to often. Guilty! And yes I recently purchased each of my kids itouches – to keep in touch with them while they are away from me.
But I try to keep a balance. I limit technology time and kept my daughter away from Hannah Montana and the like, I had one of my most proudest mommy moments last year when, with a bunch of friends from her school at a fundraiser at the local California Pizza Kitchen, we ran into Hannah Montana herself. All my daughter’s friends were absolutely giddy and my daughter looks at me and says “Mom who is that and why is everyone acting so weird?”
My daughter is about to turn 8 and has always been an individual. She still believes in magic and faeries and I frankly think that’s appropriate. But tonight as we lay in bed having our nightly talk she looked me in the eyes and cried and said “I feel alone, no one believes in magic anymore, no one wants to play anymore, all they want to do is sit around and be cool”. Ugh my heart sank. I have worried about this conversation. I have struggled with guilt because it’s a tough time for my girl. Her parents divorce crushing her world and now this – her one love is magic and faeries and she feels she has no one her age to share it with. Where have all the faeries gone?
I have wondered as I watch my children grow about the stages of child development. It seems the old ways are out of whack with what’s going on with my kids and I’m not alone! I read a book recently about parenting. Banishing The Boogeyman, which introduced me to the notion that my daughter is empathic and very sensitive. I knew, organically, being her mom that she was a sensitive girl. But understanding the science behind her fears and emotions has helped me to be better at listening to her explain her fears in a way that a 7 year old might see them and should see them, and to not brush them aside with a quick “no honey there’s no monster in your room!”, because maybe – energetically there is a monster in her room. Maybe she’s over hearing the TV from the livingroom and that scary movie I’m watching is entering her subconscious mind or maybe that plug near the top of her bed is hitting her with emfs! (Electro magnetic fields of energy). Just my willingness to listen and not blow her off as “wrong” has helped us be able to just talk together. I also desire for her to be a kid and kids believe in monsters and faeries and who am I to say she’s wrong? It’s her way of explaining how she feels.
I held her while she cried. I so understand how she feels, I told her. Being different is hard especially when so often we are told we should be the same. But to never let go of her belief in herself and what she loves. I told her a story about my own childhood when I once tried to teach a wolf spider to spell because I read Charlottes web. (We are reading that together now). I told her how crushed I was when that darn spider wouldn’t spell and finally my mom took it away. But I never stopped believing. I told her she was a rare and special being and that she should never let go of the magic, that too many people in the world have. I told her I believe in magic and faeries and that anything is possible and that’s she’s not alone. Somewhere she’ll find her pack, just be patient.
I am grateful for our nightly talks. I listen and when she’s open to it I try and explain all the things going on in her little body. Hoping that one day it will all make sense. If 10 is the new 15 well, gee, I’m behind the eight ball. Emotions have been a big topic for us lately. She feels so deeply and doesn’t know what all these emotions are or how to manage them (This is what she told me – wow – I wish I could have said that when I was 7!) So we discussed peptides (juices I called them) and how we can actually get stuck on a particular juice and if we don’t take charge of our emotions they will take charge of us! (Thanks Dr. Joe Dispenza!). That the greatest magic wand we have is our brain and our heart and to listen to her heart and to be the captain of her brain. I beamed when I heard her say to her friend at a play day, “Boy, I need to change my juice!”
As a parent I want my child to be a child as long as she can, to believe as long as she can. As I try to keep up with the ever increasing pace at which my children are growing up, I remind myself that their world is different than mine was at 7.
Recently I had a therapist tell me that I should tell my daughter that there is no such thing as magic, that faeries don’t exist and that mermaids don’t inhabit the ocean. I sat there for moment wondering if I was failing my child by allowing her to believe in possibility, just for a moment wallowing in the fear of failure, but then I stopped myself and asked her if she could scientifically prove that magic didn’t exist. Could she explain how an electron could be in two places at once and more importantly I asked her “When did you stop believing?”
This is off topic, but there had been many tests done in the 80’s that showed that if we ask our children to think in terms of abstract ideas which required the use of the cerebral cortex in order to conceptualize that this is the cause of earlier and earlier puberty since the cerebral cortex generally is not activated until pre puberty as we become aware of how others are “feeling” or other social abstractions. It is a new world regardless and they are growing perfectly for what their generation will create. You mention it in the next line where the sexually explicit images which are not usually conceptualized until pre puberty are activated at earlier ages which result in the maturation of their bodies earlier too.